Thursday, July 18, 2013

Letter to my future self… remember your happy



Remember your happy.  The feeling you have right now nestled within your core.  Unforced, unexplainable – just a part of who you are down deep.  Remember the night over beers when innocently your new best friend conveyed to you the moment when she truly sensed your happiness – overhead laughter and conversation from the mezzanine above – how she and her partner both became aware of it in that instant, heard it in your voice, in your exuberance, in just being you.

Remember your contentment the next time you are entwined in this life with someone else – don’t lose it even if he’s unhappy himself – don’t try and shoulder that burden as it only brings you down too.  Recognize and acknowledge it but don’t make it yours – don’t misplace your spirit in it as you did once before – stay true to yourself and you’ll be stronger for it together.  Work on your happiness – feed it so that he can feel it too – wrap up both up in happy – it’s contagious. 

When the speed bumps come and surely they will – they always do – remember who you are today – this 36 year old version of yourself – the girl who lost herself for a few months but who bounced right back when she awoke to this misstep.  The girl who is secure enough in who she is to admit her mistakes, laugh at her silliness, concede her brattiness and identify her ability to push too far.  Know you’re not perfect but that’s okay, it’s not  reason to be unhappy anyway, perfect is boring.  Let people judge if they must, let them question or manipulate or giggle at you in the mirror but remember that is a reflection of them, their own insecurities and needs – don’t let them become your own.  Let go of the negative, the gossip.  Life is too short for that and goodbye is truly okay.

Keep the people close that add to your own inherent happiness, the ones who spread joy themselves – both in sharing their own and celebrating yours – those are the ones worth keeping, the ones that will still be by your side when shit inevitably hits the fan and the tears begin to fall.  The ones that won’t walk away when your mean little devil speaks out in a moment of weakness, a moment of hurt.  The ones that will remind you that you are beautiful and worth of greatness when you forget yourself.  The ones that know the truth of your happiness and embrace it.  Let it shine through.  Remember your happy.

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