Resonating... intuition

Two articles are resonating with me this morning both about honoring our intuition - the first specifically tying this back into having patient which is the lesson I'm working on right now.  Quite fitting.  Funny how these things find us at the right time and place.

Your Intuition Is Your Answer. - Rebecca Lammersen

“When you know, you know.” 

I never understood this quote, until I understood it.

Nine years ago, I stood in the doorway of the house in which I currently live, and declared, “I’m home,” without ever stepping foot inside.

One month later, I moved in.

Two and a half years ago, I visited my friend for a massage. Afterwards, she asked if I wanted to see the only available studio on the ranch (which had just been listed for rent). I didn’t know why I wanted to see it, until I knew—

I stood in the doorway, groggy from body work and declared, “This is my yoga studio.” A week later I signed a lease.

I know when I have arrived home. We all do.

There is a clear difference between impulse and intuition.

Impulsive action leads to a stampede of second guessing, the feeling of being out in the cold, confused and indecisive. The aftershocks of impulse may take a while to appear, but they always do.

Intuitive action leads us home, without a doubt in our minds, we are safe–inside of ourselves.

***

This was the Facebook status I wrote yesterday. An hour after I posted it, I received a private message from one of my students.

She asked me, “What do you do when you don’t know? When you don’t get the intuitive feeling you described, but you don’t get an outright ‘this is wrong’ gut feeling either?” 

My answer, “Sit and wait for awhile.”  When we don’t know, it is an indication we are not listening.

She replied, “It is hard to wait when I want to be proactive.”

We can easily confuse being impulsive with being proactive.

It is hard to stay quiet and wait. We want something to grasp in order to feel in control of our lives. Waiting is painful. In the lull, we are presented with all of our fears, we have no choice but to feel them and experience them.

We are conditioned to believe, waiting/stillness is a symptom of laziness and lack of motivation.We think we must forge ahead, blazing a path of decision and direction, yet if we stop to listen, we will discover—we are always on the path, because we are the path.  Taking time to stop and listen, does not halt our journey, it is the journey.

Being proactive is not about being active, it is about being patient. Impulse can not survive when patience is present. Patience reserves all of its space for intuition, this is where the answer, the ‘I know’ resides.

We always know—this is what I believe. If we are quiet enough, the answer is there. The true answer—the one which protects the integrity of our spirit.

As we mature, we learn how to discern between the voice of the mind and the voice of the spirit. One can not exist without the other. I think the stronger the mind, the stronger the intuition and vice versa. When we don’t know the answer right away and engage with patience, we observe the mind at work– questioning. We honor it as we hone in on the answer of the spirit.

However, the mind will second guess until the zombie apocalypse. It is enticing to live within the questions. There is safety and comfort on the carousel of analysis; it churns the sensation of control within us. We have been trained to think, making the right decision takes deliberation,vacillation and deep consideration.

I believe it is the opposite: analysis is a sign of the absence of intuition.

When I signed the lease for the studio, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, I just knew I was supposed to do it. It was one of the few times in my life, I was completely sure and scared shitless, equally. I knew if I allowed the ‘what ifs’  and analytics to direct me, I would lose my overwhelming connection to the feeling I first received when I walked through the door.

When we act from our intuition, we trust in the unknown, because it is our only choice, the unknown is the ‘I know.’

Once we have experienced the action of intuition, jumping into our fear is the only option, we welcome it.

We don’t waste time weighing the pros and cons, because there are pros and cons to everything in life. 

Ultimately, it is the feeling we receive from our experiences that matter.

Before we function from our intuitive center, we must do the opposite–be impulsive and second guess. We will recognize how depleting and exhausting impulsive action is, once we discover the ease of intuitive action–the simplicity of honoring our spirit.

The truest answer is the first whisper and the first feeling. Our spirit is efficient and honest. She is not a game player or a manipulator. When she says yes, she means yes and when she says no, she means no. She wants us to expend as little energy possible deciding, so we reserve all of our energy to live our lives completely, genuinely and happily.

We begin living life, not just surviving and enduring life, when we discover—all of our answers are within us; we are always safe and sound amidst the fear. Once we know this, not knowing this is no longer an option.

And also...

Do You Trust Your Intuition? - Hayley Hobson

 When I was younger I didn’t have a friggin’ clue that I had something called intuition. 

I guess it had been there all along, telling me I deserved better, not to date the guy that was treating me like crap, not to eat foods I knew weren’t great for my bod’, or make a choice I knew I’d regret.

Do you trust your intuition? Do you hear your inner voice? Do you heed its call or do you shove it down like a lot of people do?

You might not know this, but your inner voice (not the one reminding you how much laundry you have), the one deep down, inside your gut, is trying to guide you to your highest self.

In other words, it’s speaking to your soul.

Our world is filled with distractions and our mind runs amuck, racing from thought to thought. It’s hard to hear this voice when our minds are filled with loud noise and wandering thoughts all the time.

However, if you can actually stop the next time you hear that deeper voice and pay attention to what it is trying to tell you, you might just realize that you know how to govern your own life and give yourself exactly what you really need, deserve and desire. 

Try it, and let me know if it works for you. I’d love to hear a personal intuition story of yours, if you are so inclined to share with me. Please leave your comments in the box below.

Resonating... HICCUPS

All Healthy Relationships Have Hiccups - Rebecca Lammersen 

I’ve collected a lot of data over the years.

Am I scientist? Nope, I’m just a girl who’s experienced quite a few relationships, talked with a lot of people in and out of relationships, and learned lessons from them all.

My research has spanned over two decades, and recently I’ve come to a conclusion, actually it’s more like a recipe I like to call, HICCUPS.  It has seven main ingredients when mixed together, create a healthy, happy long lasting relationship.

Here are the ingredients:

1. Honesty

Love is honest, brutally honest. A relationship built on the foundation of honesty has an indestructible framework of trust.

Honesty and trust breed respect. Respecting your partner is critical. Without respect, love can’t last.

Be honest, no matter what. If you are honest and the relationship ends, it is meant to end. If a relationship is meant, nothing you say  (if you are speaking truthfully) will cause it to cease.

Have faith in the truth. 

2. Intellectual Compatibility

Two people must be friends in mind, not necessarily like-minded, but equal minded. The smarty/bimbo combo has a shelf life, a short one.

If you are on the same intellectual wave length, you will always have something to talk and laugh about. In turn, you will never bore of each other—which is vital if you plan to last after your nest empties and erectile dysfunction sets in.

The ability to give each other a mind-gasm is more explosive and longevous than a physical one—it will keep you cumming for a  lifetime.

3. Communication

“We never argue or fight.”  That’s not something to brag about; it’s a red flag.

If a couple doesn’t argue, it is a sign of distrust. One or both members of the relationship are avoiding confrontation, and dismissing their own thoughts and feelings to please their partner in order to escape the discomfort of discourse. These relationship will not last because there is an absence of trust and an overwhelming presence of fear.

Examine your relationship and ask these questions:

Do each of us have the ability to listen and sift through the words, the tears or the yells to see the heart of what our partner is trying to communicate to us?

Are we willing to step outside of our desires to be right and validate each other’s feelings?

For those who are afraid of confrontation, focus on the solution, because it’s not about the argument, it’s the resolution that matters. Healthy relationships allow space for discomfort, because they know their partner is equally as committed to finding a solution.

What destroys a relationship is the need to win. What strengthens a relationship is the ability to listen.

An argument will dissolve when the people having the argument feel heard. 

When each person feels heard, there is peace. When there is peace, there is perspective. With perspective comes an apology.  Giving an apology is important, but the acceptance of the apology is more important.

How does the recipient accept the apology?

Does he or she accept the apology and release the residue that can lead to a terminal grudge and resentment?  

If he or she doesn’t accept the apology, contempt will seep into the relationship. Once contempt is present, the relationship is over.

Fighting fairly and honorably is an art. It is a lifelong practice. When partners are committed to the relationship, they will devote to communicating well and approach their disagreements as an opportunity to improve their partnership.

4. Compromise

A relationship is only as happy as the happiest person in it, and the relationship is happiest in the middle of the two people in it.

Mature participants of a relationship know sometimes one person has to travel a little farther to the center than the other. They are willing to make the trek, because they trust that the other will do the same when it is their turn.

When compromise is necessary ask yourself,“What matters more to me, my want to get my way or my need for peace? What do I need to do to create harmony right now?”

When you think and act in favor of the well being of your relationship, you will always air in favor of compromise; even if that means you travel a little farther than your partner because you know, if  your partner is miserable, you will be too and so will your relationship.

5. Understanding

You may know your partner now, but you weren’t born into his or her family. You didn’t experience his or her life first hand.

Everyone is formed and conditioned by their circumstance. We are taught how to communicate and function (whether directly or indirectly) by our parents.

You and your partner come to your relationship with different needs and ways of communicating. As his or her partner, it’s imperative you are understanding and accepting of your differences.

Instead of expecting them to communicate how you do, study them like a foreign language and learn their language with the same passion you show your favorite hobby. This will keep you from entering the gates of judgment and frustration, as you learn to “speak their language” and love them the way they need to be loved.

6. Patience

No one belongs to you. You can’t control anyone either. Despite how hard you try to persuade or manipulate another to respond and react in the way you want, they won’t and they don’t. Everyone thinks, feels and acts in their own way, on their own time.

If you try to rush someone’s process or push them to do something they don’t want to do, they will feel pressured. When a person feels pressured, they feel unsafe, unloved and unable to give love.

They will no longer be themselves, and when someone is not themselves, they are not honest. Without honesty, love dies, as will the relationship.

The most important thing you can do for the person you love is give them space. When a person has space, they feel free—free to feel and think, do what they love and be who they are in their own way, on their own time and they will want to share themselves with you.

Remember, love is not in a rush, it has all the time in the world.  

7. Sex

I use the word ‘sex’ to describe the seventh ingredient, but it’s more than just intercourse. It’s affection, touch, attention, warmth and kindness.

The ingredient of sex is comprised of reciprocity (an equality of service to one another) and the desire to show your partner he or she is special and wanted by you.

When a person feels wanted, they feel safe, loved and free (there’s that freedom part again).

Sex and all its components disappear because the individuals in the relationship stop feeling special, wanted and acknowledged by the other.

The feelings of love develop effortlessly, but if you want to keep love alive, you have to maintain it– you must work at it.

Relationships demand effort by both people, equally at the same time.

Daily effort applied to a relationship by its partners will lead to a lifetime of love. It can be a simple effort—a gentle touch, a sweet kiss, an arm wrapped around her belly as she washes dishes, or sitting by his side as he reads a book or watches his favorite show.

All of these actions are a reminder to your partner—I see you, I acknowledge you, I choose you, I’m trying because I love you and I want to keep loving you. 

***************

I’ve been alive for 34 and a half years, and I have concluded that love is undefinable. Although, I do know one thing I am absolutely sure of and that is, love is a choice.

Loving another person is a moment by moment choice. “I choose to love this person with everything I have right now.”

If you are in a relationship, I hope you commit to loving your partner with an honest heart, a fully present mind, transparency in feeling and thought, a willingness to compromise (because you understand who they are and what they need to feel loved).

I hope you choose to be patient with their process and you always find the time to express your love with a hug and a kiss, as if this moment is the last time you will ever hold them in your arms.

Oh, one last thing, never forget to say I love you—we can never say it too much.

Lessons... patience

I’m learning the lesson of patience.  It’s a slow process too – oddly ironic, I get it.  Understand – have yet to feel it emotionally but my logical mind is taking it all in.  The universe has a silly sense of humor of that I am continually reminded.

I’ve been seeing this lesson before me for the past few months.  I met a beautiful man with things starting out easily, simply and then he pulled back.  This caused me to push, bringing my past hurts into this new beginning.  I pushed too much, more pull and an endless cycle.  My patience evading me completely.  I realized though – a little too late - that pushing never gets me anywhere, my past also taught me this  – I caught myself and have pulled back myself now too.  A stalemate.  Stubbornness doubled.

I sit on this side now going about my life – happy as ever – and yet I still find my thoughts drifting back to him.  Wavering between waiting on this amazing man to see how things unfold – in the time and place that feels right for him and back to just giving up, not wanting to go down this road again, feeding him the attention he craves solely when his ego needs it -  to be hopeful only to have it all blow up anyway, patterns repeated.  A constant battle in my rational mind, my ego jumping front and center.  What I know though when I listen to my gut, my intuition, is that he is worth it, whatever it turns out to be and that I need to just have patience.  Be open to him, show him my heart and then let go.  Let go.  Patience personified.

It was only this morning though that I saw the humor of it all, the parallel paths towards this lesson in my life.  

I am a hardcore crossfitter, training 5 days a week and for the past two months have been limited by my dodgy right shoulder.  Bursitis holding me back.  No barbells, no overhead, no feeling strong and badass with heavy weights.  Stopped in my tracks.  The path to getting better is rest - slow and steady.  A full dose of patience required.  I have found other ways to maintain my training through this time, my legs getting stronger– full on punishment as I still train daily, a shifted focus.  And last night, a glimmer on the horizon – an empty barbell but still a barbell – using my right arm however lightly.  Slowly.  Unable to jump back into the full swing of things but a little step in the right direction.  It’s going to take time for me to get back to where I once was but I can see the good that will come from it – from this time in between - I’m willing to not push, to come back fully and stronger than ever when the time (and my shoulder) is right.  Patient persistence.

So you can understand my smile – even now, still, as I write this – on how the two are so inexplicably linked and yet the paths I’ve taken so different.  I can only wonder now if I’d taken the same approach to him as I had my shoulder if we’d be in a different place now – on the same side perhaps rather than in our separate corners, further apart than when we first connected.  Hard to say.  But as with my shoulder -  it took  me forever to just stop, step back and get things sorted out.  To let time and patience show the way to making it better.  So it is now with him.  I struggled to stop the pushing but have now seen the light, have opened up and stepped back and just have to trust that time and patience is the best course of action now.  The path to follow and time will tell.  The lesson coming twice this time, truly starting to sink in.  Two different puzzles, patience the answer for both.

I know my shoulder will heal in time and I trust my journey with him will be a long one.  Both will take the shape of whatever is meant to be.  Time and place.  A reason for everything.  I trust in the universe completely – always have - and it’s great to know it has such a solid sense of humor.

Resonating... the beloved relationship

The Beloved Relationship. ~ Bettina Goodwin


A Beloved Relationship is when you speak your partner’s name and the very sound of it, the feel of it on your tongue is gentle, loving, beautiful, honoring.

It is the sweetness of a shared moment that only you and your partner understand. It is freedom, knowing, caring and joy. A natural flow of two hearts in one direction.

My husband often tells people that the most loving thing I ever said to him was, “I don’t need you.” When he shares this, I smile but he gets all sorts of different reactions from people. Some nod their head in understanding and others are bewildered by it. One thing is for sure though – I really don’t need my husband and he doesn’t need me.

But…

We love each other unconditionally.

We give each other the space to feel and work through whatever we need to.

We create a safe place for each other to share our truth.

We don’t take things personally.

We don’t have secrets.

We share what is in our heart of hearts in the most loving of ways.

And when we fail at any of these things as we do from time to time, we forgive ourselves and are secure in the knowledge that each of us will understand and love the other anyway. Here are the five major steps to take towards The Beloved Relationship.

Go within.

The Beloved Relationship actually begins within you. The most important thing we need to do is to be what we want to attract. So if you want a beloved relationship, one of unconditional love, of caring and respect and honor, then you must feel all of these things for yourself. And once you can feel it towards yourself, you will naturally treat others in kind.

Don’t blame.

The Beloved Relationship doesn’t mean you never get upset or angry or hurt. What it does mean is that you can take responsibility for those feelings and work through them without blaming the other person.

Be Vulnerable.

It also means that you trust the other person enough, feel safe enough to express your vulnerability to them, knowing they will listen without judgment, criticism or trying to fix it for you.

Be Compassionate.

It’s a big part of getting through conflict in a Beloved Relationship. Compassion is being able to listen, understand, empathize and allow the other person to feel what they need to feel, say what they need to say and be who they need to be during times of stress, pain, loss, fear, anger and upset. It can exist in silence.

Love Yourself.

With total self-love you enter into the relationship knowing that you are worthy, beautiful, strong, wise and kind and that you don’t need the relationship to show you these things about yourself. The relationship can be the reflection of what you feel inside. (It is always a reflection of your inner world.)

Now doesn’t that take a lot of the pressure off of each individual in the relationship? Things flow, you can have fun and there are no conditions upon which you share your love. You both come to the table loving yourselves unconditionally and that love flows steadily back and forth between you in waves of joy, peace and passion.

It’s not about the things we give each other but the feelings we share. And we can only share what we feel inside us. So if what you’re sharing isn’t what you’d like, maybe it’s time to make a change from the inside and share what you really want on the outside.

Resonating... day 326. stand in it.

day 326. stand in it.

For so much of my life, I thought that before I could love myself, I’d need to banish the parts of myself that were unlikable.

I thought I needed to cast out the darkness, the imperfections, the shadows – before I could be loveable to myself, or any one else.

I really didn’t trust that the deepest kind of love was unconditional.

So I spent years and years of my life trying to fight off anything that felt too close to being loved.

Because I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t the person I wanted to be yet. I wasn’t quite worth loving – at least not as I was, just yet.

I didn’t know that to really know love, you have to be willing to stand in the broken.

You have to stand in all that you are – all your flaws, all your failures, all your shit – and declare that there is nothing so wrong about you that isn’t worth loving.

It’s not an easy thing to do. To love yourself even when you know you’re not that likable.

Hell, I struggled to stand in my own broken self tonight.

The temptation to wallow in my shortcomings and curse my parents for thinking it was a good idea to bring my wretched being into this world got really strong. So for a solid 30 minutes I lamented my very existence and felt the warm embrace of self pity wash over me.

Until I remembered – ok, was gently reminded by J – that self hatred is highly unproductive and generally gets me less of what I want.

Because what I want, what we all want, I think, is know that we are loved. And it’s true what they say, you really can’t feel the love of any one until you love yourself. And loving other people the way they deserved to be loved? Heck, it’s just impossible.

So, sometimes you’ve got to start small. Even if at first you just start by loving the pinky toe of your right foot, eventually, the love will grow. That’s the awesome thing about love. Once it gets started, it becomes uncontrollable.

Tonight I started with loving the easy bits. I love my elbows. I love my eyebrows. I love the fact that that after 326 days, I’m still writing. I love my commitment. I love my brain. I love that even when it’s really easy to sink into the darkness, I keep swimming.

Until suddenly, I found myself starting to love my shadows. I love that I still struggle. I love the parts of myself that are real and scared and small.

And then I saw it. I saw this human being in front of me that truly believes there is something about me that is unconditionally appealing. And this guy, I think he’s on to something.

Because truth be told, he’s not perfect either – and yet I love him (without much rhyme or reason sometimes) too.

Maybe this is what it really means to be human. To recognize that we’ve all got our broken. We’ve all got our own darkness, our own failures, our own twisted thoughts and dirty secrets. And without all that, well, we’d all be kind of boring.

So stand in the flaws and the failures and the shit, and declare yourself lovable because of it all.

Manifesting... Just A Parking Spot… Just the Start..

It starts with the little things.

I manifested a parking spot this morning.  Seems easy enough but it was almost 9am – the parking lot overflowing each morning well before 8.  I know this – could visually see all the cars reflecting the sunlight but I put it out there on my peaceful late morning drive. 

I could feel it within me – I’ll park in that back lot, close to the entrance – I also acknowledged that if I had to park across the road, a 5 minute walk away then that would be okay too – I could enjoy the leisurely stroll, no rush to get there faster though I knew I wouldn’t have to.

I drove into the lot assured.  Car after car filled every space.  A construction truck turning around inconveniently right in front of me but I let it go.  Breathed into it knowing I was where I needed to be in that moment.  Savored the waiting and I drove around the entire lot.  Nothing.  Not a single space but then, just as I was about to make my way out, a final right turn – I saw four immaculately dressed people.  Set for business.  Were they coming or going – on a long march to the door or back to their car.  Unknown.  I watched.  I waited.  Then suddenly one of the men waved, beckoning me in their direction.  Score.  A left turn.  A space freeing up.  Mine.  Easy.

As I pulled into the spot that had just opened up for me I wondered with a huge grin on my face – what else could I bring forth into my life this easy.