Letters to you... would you miss me?

If tomorrow I left the country never to return what would regret not telling me?

If I were to die today what would you regret not doing together?

If you never saw me again what would you regret the most?

Would you have regrets?

Would you miss me at all?

Would you remember me fondly?

These thoughts reside in me often these days.  Not in a morbid sense but rather in the way that keeps me present in this moment.  Taking nothing for granted.  Enjoying each connection with every person I encounter in my life.  Relating.

Our lives are full of things – things to do, things to have, things to be – but what if we stripped them all away.  Removed all our things and stood bare before each other.  Naked.  Reduced to our purest form and just were.  Just as we were the day we arrived into this world.  Innocent.  Naive.

Immune to the pressures and influences that shape us.

Can we connect on the most basic level – as humans.

When you take away all that we have, we are all that is left.  Beings, souls residing in flesh.  The beauty of this world resides within our bodies – our thoughts and feelings rooted deep within who we are.  Who we are is far greater than what we have.  It cannot be bought and it cannot be taken away and yet we keep it well hidden.  Sometimes even from ourselves. 

I see peoples light and goodness.  I’m often blinded by their potential.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  This way of connecting – of wanting to delve deeper – share secrets and stories.  Adventures.  Disclose the ugliness of our fears and realize that when exposed to the light of day, of another – that the burden lessens, the world opens up.  We become free.

I surround myself with lovely people – hearts of gold among them even if they hide them well.  I peak around the corners and into the darkness but I am never afraid.  Curious and amazed by what I see – beauty hidden within the scars and strength that shape our curves.  Exquisite humans beneath the surface, beneath the haves.  The humans that stand before me, surround me, fill my life with love and grace.

Many wear their armor – surrounded by their stuff but I see them free – unencumbered.  Their essence and magic and I seek to connect.

I ask myself these questions because tomorrow and all the days after are full of unknowns, change ever present – people come and go, the nature of relationships change.  I think of these questions to keep myself grounded, to be present in the moment and grateful for the time that we share.  No regrets, just compassion for each of our journey’s. 

I don’t fear the future now and I don’t regret the past because the beauty stands here now in these moments.  Leaving smiles in my wake on their faces.  Touching their hearts with love.  Breathing life into every one of them as they do in return because we never know when the changes will come.  Will tear them away or the relationship fades.  The beauty is now.  Be here now.

Letters to you... history repeating?

I sit here and remember that day – late September – when you surprised me with your call.  Mid-day.  I told you I needed to talk, a friendly ear but I didn’t expect it so soon – to sneak away from the office for a quick chat because I needed you my friend.  You were there without delay.  I needed you because everything in my world was being tossed and turned, the things on the horizon so unclear, unknown.  You called, no questions asked.  It seems like only yesterday.

It was similar to so many times before.  With him calling me.  Random lunchtime conversations.  Regularly.  The same red chairs, sun streaming through. Elevators dinging in the background.  Like a life time ago.

But as with him, this thing with you is taking the same path.  Forgive me then for intertwining you both.  The start so much the same, easy, effortless.  The same words echoing through my mind, different voices the meaning identical.  You are both so different but still here I sit.  Still on a solo journey – neither of you able to give me what I want.  What I need.  What I deserve.  What I know is coming – it’s on the horizon still. 

I look to myself wondering why it’s all playing out the same.  What within me is attracting the same unavailable men.  What causes me to push outwardly when inwardly I know to step away.  Why do I keep trying when I know the pieces just don’t fit.  Why view the potential when what I see is what I get.  I’m still learning. 

Sitting here now I only wish for more time with you.  What I was pushing for all along, pushing you away in the process.  Damage done, I can see that now no matter how many times you tell me that we’re okay.  It was only yesterday that you admitted to me – out loud, finally – what I knew already – you don’t do what you feel like you’re forced to do.  No matter that we want the same things.

You like spending time with me

I like spending time with you

We don’t though because of the latter it seems.

I want your time and so you can’t – won’t – give it.

An eye for an eye and we are all blind?  No matter.  It is how it is. Where we are now.  A place where you say it’s all okay and I feel the difference – so far removed from where we began. 

I can’t change the past and you can’t seem to let go of it.  You tell me I’m over thinking but he did once too – caused me to doubt my intuition but I’ve realized it’s my biggest strength.  I see things, see people and I see you still.  Your beauty and charm and fear.  I feel your affection and attraction and distance too. 

I sit here in this same red seat as I’ve done many times before and my own words echo through my mind.  The ones I was telling a dear friend earlier today – as she sought advice for herself – sometimes you can’t get another to understand your feelings and you just have to choose – keep trying endlessly without success or just let go.  It’s my choice – as you have yours - and to me it is clear.  Only one way to move forward.

It’ll all be okay though, this I know.  I’ve been here before.  A year from now I’ll sit here again, wrapped up in someone perfect for me and smile fondly as I view this brief few months connecting with you.  Just as I do now remembering him in this spot last year.  Some great moments mixed with too much struggle.  Both.  Like going back in time – two different faces.  History repeating but the outcomes so different.  Changing.  Letting go instead of hanging on.  Love for myself instead of heartbreak.  Smiles instead of tears.  Stronger yet still open.  Vulnerable and enchanting and ready.  Ready to be swept off my feet by a man that enjoys my company so much that my needs and wants amplify his desire instead of pushing him away.  A man strong enough to tell me ‘no’ even as he sweeps me off my feet.  The perfect man for me sits on the horizon.  And I can’t wait to meet him.

Resonating... in the perfect time

If things aren’t happening how you want them to – CELEBRATE! - Mastin Kipp

A common theme that I’ve seen lately is the frustration folks feel when things are not happening as quickly as they want them to or the way they want them to.

 

Here’s the thing: we are on a spiritual path, connecting with the SOURCE OF ALL LIFE, and we think we should be telling IT how and when to make things happen in our lives.
In this age of tweeting, texting, instagramming, facebooking, googling, pinning, pining, longing and e-mailing, we’ve gotten lost in the outer technology. We’ve forgotten our inner technology. We’ve somehow begun to think that The Uni-verse should be working on OUR SCHEDULE, instead of taking the humble Path and allowing the Wisdom of the Ages that fuels the Sun, beats your heart and breathes life into you in every moment, the opportunity to chime in.

Spiritual growth doesn’t happen on your schedule. That’s WHY it’s spiritual growth. It’s not about The Uni-verse giving you what you want; it’s about The Uni-verse training you to be who you really are, tapped into Source, being a vessel of Grace and knowing the only thing you really need is the connection to your Source, and all physical manifestations that are in your best interest will follow.

Sometimes all the things you have put your faith in will be taken away, not as punishment, but as a way of teaching you that trusting The Uni-verse is all you really need to do. And then you think you have many problems, but the only real problem you have is that you are disconnected from your Source.

It’s like the drop of water that wants to surf a huge wave – it has to connect back with the ocean in order to do big things. It can try and try on its own, and it won’t be able to do a damn thing. But when it’s connected to its Source, it can be a TIDAL WAVE and it’s PUSHED, instead of needing to PUSH.

So if things aren’t happening how and when you want them to – CELEBRATE. The Master’s Hand is at work trying to show you a better way. Even if your mind doesn’t think so right away, there is a better way coming toward you. Stay open, stay available, stay in humble patience that the answer will be revealed and most likely in a way that you haven’t yet considered.

Live the mystery of life with gratitude instead of an entitled attitude. This is the Path of Grace. The Uni-verse will bring us to our knees, not as punishment, but to show us a better way.

A delay is not a denial – remember that and live the mystery!

Resonating... strong and complicated women

How to Love a Strong & Complicated Woman.

Jennifer S. White

Call her a pampered-princess type—you’d be right.

She knows her worth and value and she demands that her lover does too. (Lesson one.) You know, let’s just cut to the chase and dive in.

How to love a strong and complicated woman.

First, be open.

Because she will probably want to pull the blankets up over her head from time-to-time; closing herself—and her thoughts—off from the world—and the world includes you.

She’ll want you to know how she feels, of course, but she won’t always feel up to telling you. This will make your relationship challenging for both of you, because open communication is necessary for two people to properly understand one another without, well, misunderstandings.

So please talk to her about your own feelings and thoughts—your sharing will encourage hers.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask her questions, but do try being gentle rather than probing. (She says thank you in advance.)

And let’s get this out into the open right away: Complicated women who pretend that they are not complicated are a challenge.

You have your work cut out for you.

Don’t get me wrong, there are uncomplicated women—just like there are men who will see this article’s words and find themselves written here for their lovers to read.

Because sharing the same sex doesn’t make us the same person.

On the other hand, any woman with close girlfriends will be able to tell you that women, very generally speaking mind you, have their own ways of communicating and, sometimes, even thinking—all I’m suggesting is that it’s okay to admit it.

No, I’m going a step further and saying that if we do admit this that all of our relationships—be it a friendship or romantic partnership—will be easier because—re-read the first statement above and repeat after me: open communication is necessary for two people to properly understand one another.

 Okay, so back to the self-declared-uncomplicated-yet-complicated woman.

I’m probably not the best authority in this arena, because I often put my eccentricities on display (obviously).

However, I will tell you this: let her go on pretending that she’s not complex—you will not change her mind. This is a realization that she must come to own her own (or another woman who is a close enough friend can point it out to her—not you).

Why?

Simple—reflect upon the moments when you’ve probably “accused” her of being difficult to understand; likely they’ve been those times when you were irritated, and your words and thoughts were not coming from a completely loving place.

So, ladies, consider being more forthright about your needs—with him and with yourself—and, gentlemen, keep in mind that your own sharing and approachable receptivity will help her to come out of her shell—even if it’s at seemingly tortoise-like speeds—but, in the meantime, practice patience with her. (Because she’s worth it.)