My story... my name

I can count on my fingers the number of people who call me by my full name.  Mother, father - if they're not calling me kid or if I'm in trouble.  A best friend.  There are a few others too - constants in my life from many years gone by but as for the boys - the ones that have come and gone through out my history - there have only been three.  Three of the many that have used all the letters.  The three full syllables.  Anyone who knows me knows my name is a mouthful, incorporating half the alphabet.  I often miss letters writing too quickly when I sign off.  That tells you something.

But these things have never deterred those that have mattered.  Those that I matter to.  My name rolls off their tongue in recognition of the importance - of me to them, them to me, the relationship.  I notice this too.  Always.  Maybe because it's so rare - so meaningful.  So me.

I remember with him - introducing himself but his full name, not the short form.  Introducing me to his family, to his friends with a version of the short form of mine - one of the many iterations and that stood out to me.  Always.  Unusual given our situation - our connection.  But I dismissed that too - I mean those other three boys are no longer around so perhaps it was just in my head - this meaning I've given to that.  Meaning where none need be.  But still I noticed.  Still do now.  It's such a little thing in the list of it all but still it's there.  Fresh in my mind.  Two extra syllables that mean all the difference.  Rarely left his lips.  He had pet names for me though - that sometimes still come out - otter, little Canadian - and I did cherish those - held on to them too.  I still do.  The held meaning, hold meaning but still, I long to hear my full name roll off his tongue.

I want my lover to use my full name.  The person I love.  The person who loves me.  I want to hear my full name on my lovers lips.