I’m in a weird yet wonderful place right now. It’s a strange contradiction. A life full of abundance and amazing, all
things gravitating to me, lining up in perfect order – the less I try and
control the more the beautiful things keep happening.
In many ways I have you to thank. Looking back – the heartbreak and hurt, the
gut wrenching sobs that left me shattered, the hurtful words witnessed – I wouldn’t
change any of it now, from this perspective.
I remember telling you on one of our last truly connected
days how I have a way of just figuring things out. We had just crossed the street from the
antique store that is now closed – walking side by side in the sunshine heading
to my favorite coffee shop on the morning you (finally) opened up to me fully –
unafraid. You asked to borrow some of ‘it’
then even though I couldn’t explain to you the ‘how’. It just happens, always has – my ability to
walk through the fire and come out better on the other side.
You taught me so many things that I understand with this
distance – things I couldn’t see in the thick of it all – the need to let
go. To stop letting others make
decisions for me and to know that hurtful words are a reflection of those
speaking them rather than about those they are directed at. At the time, your words of me ‘not being a people person’ stung but I
have realized in so many ways since then that the opposite is true. The words uttered were merely your reflection
of my ability to see people – their true colours and motivations – choosing not
to waste my energy on those that aren’t real, authentic. The ones who outwardly pretend to care and
fake happiness but underneath are anything but – the ones that have hidden
agendas and selfish motivations.
Thank you for letting me go.
For giving me this space to find myself again, more solidly this time
than before. Though there was a moment
you made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, I’ve realized now more than ever
that I am – just as I am. A solid belief
in myself. I’m surrounded by so much
love, it continues to gravitate from new and unexpected places and keeps growing
from sources that have existed all along.
My golden heart and caring ways breathing life into those around me. I’m surrounded by abundance and I feel
blessed and humbled by it. I also feel
deserving because as it drifts towards me it also radiates back from me – the energy
inside me burning brightly, exploding from me. A replenishing and renewing cycle.
If it wasn’t for us breaking, for me breaking – I would
never have found this place. A place
where I can stand on my own and feel grateful.
A place where I can honestly shout that I am truly and completely in
love with my life. In love with who I
am.
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