Real life... december 3, 2013...

I realized how far I have come on my journey earlier this year in the midst of everything about to come crashing down.

I’ve lived in this country now for just over two years but was allowed to stay solely because of a work sponsored visa. 

It was the end of September and with the market looking dim and coworkers being let go all around me I could sense that I was in imminent danger – there were just so few of us left. 

A week earlier I had a strong gut feeling to just apply for permanent residency, get my application in now rather than waiting for my company’s nomination to be approved first – it had been submitted months prior.  It was a bit of a risk in that if the nomination was not approved then my application would be cancelled and with it the non-refundable fee  of almost $5000 but I took the chance.  I listened and jumped.

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

With such a huge financial undertaking on my part – my company sought out alternative options to keep me employed, guaranteeing me only the month ahead.  End of October was all they could promise. 

The universe spoke to me in perfect timing.

I remember the warnings, the talks, the uncertainty and though the thought of losing my job wasn’t an issue – the idea of having to leave the country that I now called home was. 

Still I trusted.  I had ultimate trust in everything working out – somehow.  I couldn’t envision the how but I just believed even as I crossed my fingers and toes wishing my permanent residency would get approved sooner rather than later.

I was of two minds – that it’d get approved within the month of October – my last promised month of certainty at work or if necessary that I would find a new job that would sponsor me within the 4 month grace period I’d have.  There was even the third option which I joked about – finding an Australian man to marry me.

At the same time, there was the potential of a new man in my life who was being difficult and pulling back even after a glorious start of ‘something’.  He was sudden and unexpected which threw me for a loop.  My shoulder was also acting up – a long standing minor injury that I’d ignored finally putting me on the sidelines of the sport that I loved most.

A lot of challenges were piling up.  Challenges.  Not issues or complications.

It was standing in the middle of all this that I felt the shift in who I am – instead of seeing how everything could easily fall apart, instead of curling up into a ball of inconsolable tears – I felt gratitude. 

I was surrounded by love and amazing people that had complete and utter faith in me.  Four of them to be exact – one of which was him – the potential new man.  Him and three of my best girl friends.  The only ones I told.

I remember him calling me soon after receiving my ‘uh-oh’ text – reinforcing all the positives that I rationally knew already – I still had a job, I had options, nothing had actually happened yet.  He told me to have faith and he believed in me.  I saw him that night and got a solid, satisfying hug – the safety of his arms and the release of all that I was holding tight to.  The unfiltered and genuine love I felt within me, that I was surrounded by.  Peace.

It was then that I realized that I was a new woman – a woman stronger than I’d ever been before.  I was able to relax into the unknown and stay open and positive.  I only told those four people in my life because I didn’t want to dwell on worst case scenarios – the place that most people tend to jump into.  I had belief and didn’t want to worry unnecessary.

It worked too.  Two weeks later my residency came through.  Two months on and I still have my job.  The potential of that man has long since passed but that’s also okay because instead of dwelling on the ending I am grateful for what was – briefly – his soothing voice and strong arms.  A rock when I needed one beside me for those moments.  Mostly I am grateful his faith in the face of it all – the mirroring of the belief that I hold within myself, that showed me also what I will have, in time, with the right man for me. 

And as I sit here and reflect I still feel the love.  Still see the positives and believe in what is to come.  Amazing things, an amazing man.  I can only sit here and trust in the unknown, smile openly at the possibilities that are about to emerge.