Letters to you... would you miss me?

If tomorrow I left the country never to return what would regret not telling me?

If I were to die today what would you regret not doing together?

If you never saw me again what would you regret the most?

Would you have regrets?

Would you miss me at all?

Would you remember me fondly?

These thoughts reside in me often these days.  Not in a morbid sense but rather in the way that keeps me present in this moment.  Taking nothing for granted.  Enjoying each connection with every person I encounter in my life.  Relating.

Our lives are full of things – things to do, things to have, things to be – but what if we stripped them all away.  Removed all our things and stood bare before each other.  Naked.  Reduced to our purest form and just were.  Just as we were the day we arrived into this world.  Innocent.  Naive.

Immune to the pressures and influences that shape us.

Can we connect on the most basic level – as humans.

When you take away all that we have, we are all that is left.  Beings, souls residing in flesh.  The beauty of this world resides within our bodies – our thoughts and feelings rooted deep within who we are.  Who we are is far greater than what we have.  It cannot be bought and it cannot be taken away and yet we keep it well hidden.  Sometimes even from ourselves. 

I see peoples light and goodness.  I’m often blinded by their potential.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  This way of connecting – of wanting to delve deeper – share secrets and stories.  Adventures.  Disclose the ugliness of our fears and realize that when exposed to the light of day, of another – that the burden lessens, the world opens up.  We become free.

I surround myself with lovely people – hearts of gold among them even if they hide them well.  I peak around the corners and into the darkness but I am never afraid.  Curious and amazed by what I see – beauty hidden within the scars and strength that shape our curves.  Exquisite humans beneath the surface, beneath the haves.  The humans that stand before me, surround me, fill my life with love and grace.

Many wear their armor – surrounded by their stuff but I see them free – unencumbered.  Their essence and magic and I seek to connect.

I ask myself these questions because tomorrow and all the days after are full of unknowns, change ever present – people come and go, the nature of relationships change.  I think of these questions to keep myself grounded, to be present in the moment and grateful for the time that we share.  No regrets, just compassion for each of our journey’s. 

I don’t fear the future now and I don’t regret the past because the beauty stands here now in these moments.  Leaving smiles in my wake on their faces.  Touching their hearts with love.  Breathing life into every one of them as they do in return because we never know when the changes will come.  Will tear them away or the relationship fades.  The beauty is now.  Be here now.

Letters to you... history repeating?

I sit here and remember that day – late September – when you surprised me with your call.  Mid-day.  I told you I needed to talk, a friendly ear but I didn’t expect it so soon – to sneak away from the office for a quick chat because I needed you my friend.  You were there without delay.  I needed you because everything in my world was being tossed and turned, the things on the horizon so unclear, unknown.  You called, no questions asked.  It seems like only yesterday.

It was similar to so many times before.  With him calling me.  Random lunchtime conversations.  Regularly.  The same red chairs, sun streaming through. Elevators dinging in the background.  Like a life time ago.

But as with him, this thing with you is taking the same path.  Forgive me then for intertwining you both.  The start so much the same, easy, effortless.  The same words echoing through my mind, different voices the meaning identical.  You are both so different but still here I sit.  Still on a solo journey – neither of you able to give me what I want.  What I need.  What I deserve.  What I know is coming – it’s on the horizon still. 

I look to myself wondering why it’s all playing out the same.  What within me is attracting the same unavailable men.  What causes me to push outwardly when inwardly I know to step away.  Why do I keep trying when I know the pieces just don’t fit.  Why view the potential when what I see is what I get.  I’m still learning. 

Sitting here now I only wish for more time with you.  What I was pushing for all along, pushing you away in the process.  Damage done, I can see that now no matter how many times you tell me that we’re okay.  It was only yesterday that you admitted to me – out loud, finally – what I knew already – you don’t do what you feel like you’re forced to do.  No matter that we want the same things.

You like spending time with me

I like spending time with you

We don’t though because of the latter it seems.

I want your time and so you can’t – won’t – give it.

An eye for an eye and we are all blind?  No matter.  It is how it is. Where we are now.  A place where you say it’s all okay and I feel the difference – so far removed from where we began. 

I can’t change the past and you can’t seem to let go of it.  You tell me I’m over thinking but he did once too – caused me to doubt my intuition but I’ve realized it’s my biggest strength.  I see things, see people and I see you still.  Your beauty and charm and fear.  I feel your affection and attraction and distance too. 

I sit here in this same red seat as I’ve done many times before and my own words echo through my mind.  The ones I was telling a dear friend earlier today – as she sought advice for herself – sometimes you can’t get another to understand your feelings and you just have to choose – keep trying endlessly without success or just let go.  It’s my choice – as you have yours - and to me it is clear.  Only one way to move forward.

It’ll all be okay though, this I know.  I’ve been here before.  A year from now I’ll sit here again, wrapped up in someone perfect for me and smile fondly as I view this brief few months connecting with you.  Just as I do now remembering him in this spot last year.  Some great moments mixed with too much struggle.  Both.  Like going back in time – two different faces.  History repeating but the outcomes so different.  Changing.  Letting go instead of hanging on.  Love for myself instead of heartbreak.  Smiles instead of tears.  Stronger yet still open.  Vulnerable and enchanting and ready.  Ready to be swept off my feet by a man that enjoys my company so much that my needs and wants amplify his desire instead of pushing him away.  A man strong enough to tell me ‘no’ even as he sweeps me off my feet.  The perfect man for me sits on the horizon.  And I can’t wait to meet him.

Resonating... in the perfect time

If things aren’t happening how you want them to – CELEBRATE! - Mastin Kipp

A common theme that I’ve seen lately is the frustration folks feel when things are not happening as quickly as they want them to or the way they want them to.

 

Here’s the thing: we are on a spiritual path, connecting with the SOURCE OF ALL LIFE, and we think we should be telling IT how and when to make things happen in our lives.
In this age of tweeting, texting, instagramming, facebooking, googling, pinning, pining, longing and e-mailing, we’ve gotten lost in the outer technology. We’ve forgotten our inner technology. We’ve somehow begun to think that The Uni-verse should be working on OUR SCHEDULE, instead of taking the humble Path and allowing the Wisdom of the Ages that fuels the Sun, beats your heart and breathes life into you in every moment, the opportunity to chime in.

Spiritual growth doesn’t happen on your schedule. That’s WHY it’s spiritual growth. It’s not about The Uni-verse giving you what you want; it’s about The Uni-verse training you to be who you really are, tapped into Source, being a vessel of Grace and knowing the only thing you really need is the connection to your Source, and all physical manifestations that are in your best interest will follow.

Sometimes all the things you have put your faith in will be taken away, not as punishment, but as a way of teaching you that trusting The Uni-verse is all you really need to do. And then you think you have many problems, but the only real problem you have is that you are disconnected from your Source.

It’s like the drop of water that wants to surf a huge wave – it has to connect back with the ocean in order to do big things. It can try and try on its own, and it won’t be able to do a damn thing. But when it’s connected to its Source, it can be a TIDAL WAVE and it’s PUSHED, instead of needing to PUSH.

So if things aren’t happening how and when you want them to – CELEBRATE. The Master’s Hand is at work trying to show you a better way. Even if your mind doesn’t think so right away, there is a better way coming toward you. Stay open, stay available, stay in humble patience that the answer will be revealed and most likely in a way that you haven’t yet considered.

Live the mystery of life with gratitude instead of an entitled attitude. This is the Path of Grace. The Uni-verse will bring us to our knees, not as punishment, but to show us a better way.

A delay is not a denial – remember that and live the mystery!

Resonating... strong and complicated women

How to Love a Strong & Complicated Woman.

Jennifer S. White

Call her a pampered-princess type—you’d be right.

She knows her worth and value and she demands that her lover does too. (Lesson one.) You know, let’s just cut to the chase and dive in.

How to love a strong and complicated woman.

First, be open.

Because she will probably want to pull the blankets up over her head from time-to-time; closing herself—and her thoughts—off from the world—and the world includes you.

She’ll want you to know how she feels, of course, but she won’t always feel up to telling you. This will make your relationship challenging for both of you, because open communication is necessary for two people to properly understand one another without, well, misunderstandings.

So please talk to her about your own feelings and thoughts—your sharing will encourage hers.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask her questions, but do try being gentle rather than probing. (She says thank you in advance.)

And let’s get this out into the open right away: Complicated women who pretend that they are not complicated are a challenge.

You have your work cut out for you.

Don’t get me wrong, there are uncomplicated women—just like there are men who will see this article’s words and find themselves written here for their lovers to read.

Because sharing the same sex doesn’t make us the same person.

On the other hand, any woman with close girlfriends will be able to tell you that women, very generally speaking mind you, have their own ways of communicating and, sometimes, even thinking—all I’m suggesting is that it’s okay to admit it.

No, I’m going a step further and saying that if we do admit this that all of our relationships—be it a friendship or romantic partnership—will be easier because—re-read the first statement above and repeat after me: open communication is necessary for two people to properly understand one another.

 Okay, so back to the self-declared-uncomplicated-yet-complicated woman.

I’m probably not the best authority in this arena, because I often put my eccentricities on display (obviously).

However, I will tell you this: let her go on pretending that she’s not complex—you will not change her mind. This is a realization that she must come to own her own (or another woman who is a close enough friend can point it out to her—not you).

Why?

Simple—reflect upon the moments when you’ve probably “accused” her of being difficult to understand; likely they’ve been those times when you were irritated, and your words and thoughts were not coming from a completely loving place.

So, ladies, consider being more forthright about your needs—with him and with yourself—and, gentlemen, keep in mind that your own sharing and approachable receptivity will help her to come out of her shell—even if it’s at seemingly tortoise-like speeds—but, in the meantime, practice patience with her. (Because she’s worth it.)

Resonating... intuition

Two articles are resonating with me this morning both about honoring our intuition - the first specifically tying this back into having patient which is the lesson I'm working on right now.  Quite fitting.  Funny how these things find us at the right time and place.

Your Intuition Is Your Answer. - Rebecca Lammersen

“When you know, you know.” 

I never understood this quote, until I understood it.

Nine years ago, I stood in the doorway of the house in which I currently live, and declared, “I’m home,” without ever stepping foot inside.

One month later, I moved in.

Two and a half years ago, I visited my friend for a massage. Afterwards, she asked if I wanted to see the only available studio on the ranch (which had just been listed for rent). I didn’t know why I wanted to see it, until I knew—

I stood in the doorway, groggy from body work and declared, “This is my yoga studio.” A week later I signed a lease.

I know when I have arrived home. We all do.

There is a clear difference between impulse and intuition.

Impulsive action leads to a stampede of second guessing, the feeling of being out in the cold, confused and indecisive. The aftershocks of impulse may take a while to appear, but they always do.

Intuitive action leads us home, without a doubt in our minds, we are safe–inside of ourselves.

***

This was the Facebook status I wrote yesterday. An hour after I posted it, I received a private message from one of my students.

She asked me, “What do you do when you don’t know? When you don’t get the intuitive feeling you described, but you don’t get an outright ‘this is wrong’ gut feeling either?” 

My answer, “Sit and wait for awhile.”  When we don’t know, it is an indication we are not listening.

She replied, “It is hard to wait when I want to be proactive.”

We can easily confuse being impulsive with being proactive.

It is hard to stay quiet and wait. We want something to grasp in order to feel in control of our lives. Waiting is painful. In the lull, we are presented with all of our fears, we have no choice but to feel them and experience them.

We are conditioned to believe, waiting/stillness is a symptom of laziness and lack of motivation.We think we must forge ahead, blazing a path of decision and direction, yet if we stop to listen, we will discover—we are always on the path, because we are the path.  Taking time to stop and listen, does not halt our journey, it is the journey.

Being proactive is not about being active, it is about being patient. Impulse can not survive when patience is present. Patience reserves all of its space for intuition, this is where the answer, the ‘I know’ resides.

We always know—this is what I believe. If we are quiet enough, the answer is there. The true answer—the one which protects the integrity of our spirit.

As we mature, we learn how to discern between the voice of the mind and the voice of the spirit. One can not exist without the other. I think the stronger the mind, the stronger the intuition and vice versa. When we don’t know the answer right away and engage with patience, we observe the mind at work– questioning. We honor it as we hone in on the answer of the spirit.

However, the mind will second guess until the zombie apocalypse. It is enticing to live within the questions. There is safety and comfort on the carousel of analysis; it churns the sensation of control within us. We have been trained to think, making the right decision takes deliberation,vacillation and deep consideration.

I believe it is the opposite: analysis is a sign of the absence of intuition.

When I signed the lease for the studio, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, I just knew I was supposed to do it. It was one of the few times in my life, I was completely sure and scared shitless, equally. I knew if I allowed the ‘what ifs’  and analytics to direct me, I would lose my overwhelming connection to the feeling I first received when I walked through the door.

When we act from our intuition, we trust in the unknown, because it is our only choice, the unknown is the ‘I know.’

Once we have experienced the action of intuition, jumping into our fear is the only option, we welcome it.

We don’t waste time weighing the pros and cons, because there are pros and cons to everything in life. 

Ultimately, it is the feeling we receive from our experiences that matter.

Before we function from our intuitive center, we must do the opposite–be impulsive and second guess. We will recognize how depleting and exhausting impulsive action is, once we discover the ease of intuitive action–the simplicity of honoring our spirit.

The truest answer is the first whisper and the first feeling. Our spirit is efficient and honest. She is not a game player or a manipulator. When she says yes, she means yes and when she says no, she means no. She wants us to expend as little energy possible deciding, so we reserve all of our energy to live our lives completely, genuinely and happily.

We begin living life, not just surviving and enduring life, when we discover—all of our answers are within us; we are always safe and sound amidst the fear. Once we know this, not knowing this is no longer an option.

And also...

Do You Trust Your Intuition? - Hayley Hobson

 When I was younger I didn’t have a friggin’ clue that I had something called intuition. 

I guess it had been there all along, telling me I deserved better, not to date the guy that was treating me like crap, not to eat foods I knew weren’t great for my bod’, or make a choice I knew I’d regret.

Do you trust your intuition? Do you hear your inner voice? Do you heed its call or do you shove it down like a lot of people do?

You might not know this, but your inner voice (not the one reminding you how much laundry you have), the one deep down, inside your gut, is trying to guide you to your highest self.

In other words, it’s speaking to your soul.

Our world is filled with distractions and our mind runs amuck, racing from thought to thought. It’s hard to hear this voice when our minds are filled with loud noise and wandering thoughts all the time.

However, if you can actually stop the next time you hear that deeper voice and pay attention to what it is trying to tell you, you might just realize that you know how to govern your own life and give yourself exactly what you really need, deserve and desire. 

Try it, and let me know if it works for you. I’d love to hear a personal intuition story of yours, if you are so inclined to share with me. Please leave your comments in the box below.

Resonating... HICCUPS

All Healthy Relationships Have Hiccups - Rebecca Lammersen 

I’ve collected a lot of data over the years.

Am I scientist? Nope, I’m just a girl who’s experienced quite a few relationships, talked with a lot of people in and out of relationships, and learned lessons from them all.

My research has spanned over two decades, and recently I’ve come to a conclusion, actually it’s more like a recipe I like to call, HICCUPS.  It has seven main ingredients when mixed together, create a healthy, happy long lasting relationship.

Here are the ingredients:

1. Honesty

Love is honest, brutally honest. A relationship built on the foundation of honesty has an indestructible framework of trust.

Honesty and trust breed respect. Respecting your partner is critical. Without respect, love can’t last.

Be honest, no matter what. If you are honest and the relationship ends, it is meant to end. If a relationship is meant, nothing you say  (if you are speaking truthfully) will cause it to cease.

Have faith in the truth. 

2. Intellectual Compatibility

Two people must be friends in mind, not necessarily like-minded, but equal minded. The smarty/bimbo combo has a shelf life, a short one.

If you are on the same intellectual wave length, you will always have something to talk and laugh about. In turn, you will never bore of each other—which is vital if you plan to last after your nest empties and erectile dysfunction sets in.

The ability to give each other a mind-gasm is more explosive and longevous than a physical one—it will keep you cumming for a  lifetime.

3. Communication

“We never argue or fight.”  That’s not something to brag about; it’s a red flag.

If a couple doesn’t argue, it is a sign of distrust. One or both members of the relationship are avoiding confrontation, and dismissing their own thoughts and feelings to please their partner in order to escape the discomfort of discourse. These relationship will not last because there is an absence of trust and an overwhelming presence of fear.

Examine your relationship and ask these questions:

Do each of us have the ability to listen and sift through the words, the tears or the yells to see the heart of what our partner is trying to communicate to us?

Are we willing to step outside of our desires to be right and validate each other’s feelings?

For those who are afraid of confrontation, focus on the solution, because it’s not about the argument, it’s the resolution that matters. Healthy relationships allow space for discomfort, because they know their partner is equally as committed to finding a solution.

What destroys a relationship is the need to win. What strengthens a relationship is the ability to listen.

An argument will dissolve when the people having the argument feel heard. 

When each person feels heard, there is peace. When there is peace, there is perspective. With perspective comes an apology.  Giving an apology is important, but the acceptance of the apology is more important.

How does the recipient accept the apology?

Does he or she accept the apology and release the residue that can lead to a terminal grudge and resentment?  

If he or she doesn’t accept the apology, contempt will seep into the relationship. Once contempt is present, the relationship is over.

Fighting fairly and honorably is an art. It is a lifelong practice. When partners are committed to the relationship, they will devote to communicating well and approach their disagreements as an opportunity to improve their partnership.

4. Compromise

A relationship is only as happy as the happiest person in it, and the relationship is happiest in the middle of the two people in it.

Mature participants of a relationship know sometimes one person has to travel a little farther to the center than the other. They are willing to make the trek, because they trust that the other will do the same when it is their turn.

When compromise is necessary ask yourself,“What matters more to me, my want to get my way or my need for peace? What do I need to do to create harmony right now?”

When you think and act in favor of the well being of your relationship, you will always air in favor of compromise; even if that means you travel a little farther than your partner because you know, if  your partner is miserable, you will be too and so will your relationship.

5. Understanding

You may know your partner now, but you weren’t born into his or her family. You didn’t experience his or her life first hand.

Everyone is formed and conditioned by their circumstance. We are taught how to communicate and function (whether directly or indirectly) by our parents.

You and your partner come to your relationship with different needs and ways of communicating. As his or her partner, it’s imperative you are understanding and accepting of your differences.

Instead of expecting them to communicate how you do, study them like a foreign language and learn their language with the same passion you show your favorite hobby. This will keep you from entering the gates of judgment and frustration, as you learn to “speak their language” and love them the way they need to be loved.

6. Patience

No one belongs to you. You can’t control anyone either. Despite how hard you try to persuade or manipulate another to respond and react in the way you want, they won’t and they don’t. Everyone thinks, feels and acts in their own way, on their own time.

If you try to rush someone’s process or push them to do something they don’t want to do, they will feel pressured. When a person feels pressured, they feel unsafe, unloved and unable to give love.

They will no longer be themselves, and when someone is not themselves, they are not honest. Without honesty, love dies, as will the relationship.

The most important thing you can do for the person you love is give them space. When a person has space, they feel free—free to feel and think, do what they love and be who they are in their own way, on their own time and they will want to share themselves with you.

Remember, love is not in a rush, it has all the time in the world.  

7. Sex

I use the word ‘sex’ to describe the seventh ingredient, but it’s more than just intercourse. It’s affection, touch, attention, warmth and kindness.

The ingredient of sex is comprised of reciprocity (an equality of service to one another) and the desire to show your partner he or she is special and wanted by you.

When a person feels wanted, they feel safe, loved and free (there’s that freedom part again).

Sex and all its components disappear because the individuals in the relationship stop feeling special, wanted and acknowledged by the other.

The feelings of love develop effortlessly, but if you want to keep love alive, you have to maintain it– you must work at it.

Relationships demand effort by both people, equally at the same time.

Daily effort applied to a relationship by its partners will lead to a lifetime of love. It can be a simple effort—a gentle touch, a sweet kiss, an arm wrapped around her belly as she washes dishes, or sitting by his side as he reads a book or watches his favorite show.

All of these actions are a reminder to your partner—I see you, I acknowledge you, I choose you, I’m trying because I love you and I want to keep loving you. 

***************

I’ve been alive for 34 and a half years, and I have concluded that love is undefinable. Although, I do know one thing I am absolutely sure of and that is, love is a choice.

Loving another person is a moment by moment choice. “I choose to love this person with everything I have right now.”

If you are in a relationship, I hope you commit to loving your partner with an honest heart, a fully present mind, transparency in feeling and thought, a willingness to compromise (because you understand who they are and what they need to feel loved).

I hope you choose to be patient with their process and you always find the time to express your love with a hug and a kiss, as if this moment is the last time you will ever hold them in your arms.

Oh, one last thing, never forget to say I love you—we can never say it too much.

Lessons... patience

I’m learning the lesson of patience.  It’s a slow process too – oddly ironic, I get it.  Understand – have yet to feel it emotionally but my logical mind is taking it all in.  The universe has a silly sense of humor of that I am continually reminded.

I’ve been seeing this lesson before me for the past few months.  I met a beautiful man with things starting out easily, simply and then he pulled back.  This caused me to push, bringing my past hurts into this new beginning.  I pushed too much, more pull and an endless cycle.  My patience evading me completely.  I realized though – a little too late - that pushing never gets me anywhere, my past also taught me this  – I caught myself and have pulled back myself now too.  A stalemate.  Stubbornness doubled.

I sit on this side now going about my life – happy as ever – and yet I still find my thoughts drifting back to him.  Wavering between waiting on this amazing man to see how things unfold – in the time and place that feels right for him and back to just giving up, not wanting to go down this road again, feeding him the attention he craves solely when his ego needs it -  to be hopeful only to have it all blow up anyway, patterns repeated.  A constant battle in my rational mind, my ego jumping front and center.  What I know though when I listen to my gut, my intuition, is that he is worth it, whatever it turns out to be and that I need to just have patience.  Be open to him, show him my heart and then let go.  Let go.  Patience personified.

It was only this morning though that I saw the humor of it all, the parallel paths towards this lesson in my life.  

I am a hardcore crossfitter, training 5 days a week and for the past two months have been limited by my dodgy right shoulder.  Bursitis holding me back.  No barbells, no overhead, no feeling strong and badass with heavy weights.  Stopped in my tracks.  The path to getting better is rest - slow and steady.  A full dose of patience required.  I have found other ways to maintain my training through this time, my legs getting stronger– full on punishment as I still train daily, a shifted focus.  And last night, a glimmer on the horizon – an empty barbell but still a barbell – using my right arm however lightly.  Slowly.  Unable to jump back into the full swing of things but a little step in the right direction.  It’s going to take time for me to get back to where I once was but I can see the good that will come from it – from this time in between - I’m willing to not push, to come back fully and stronger than ever when the time (and my shoulder) is right.  Patient persistence.

So you can understand my smile – even now, still, as I write this – on how the two are so inexplicably linked and yet the paths I’ve taken so different.  I can only wonder now if I’d taken the same approach to him as I had my shoulder if we’d be in a different place now – on the same side perhaps rather than in our separate corners, further apart than when we first connected.  Hard to say.  But as with my shoulder -  it took  me forever to just stop, step back and get things sorted out.  To let time and patience show the way to making it better.  So it is now with him.  I struggled to stop the pushing but have now seen the light, have opened up and stepped back and just have to trust that time and patience is the best course of action now.  The path to follow and time will tell.  The lesson coming twice this time, truly starting to sink in.  Two different puzzles, patience the answer for both.

I know my shoulder will heal in time and I trust my journey with him will be a long one.  Both will take the shape of whatever is meant to be.  Time and place.  A reason for everything.  I trust in the universe completely – always have - and it’s great to know it has such a solid sense of humor.

Resonating... the beloved relationship

The Beloved Relationship. ~ Bettina Goodwin


A Beloved Relationship is when you speak your partner’s name and the very sound of it, the feel of it on your tongue is gentle, loving, beautiful, honoring.

It is the sweetness of a shared moment that only you and your partner understand. It is freedom, knowing, caring and joy. A natural flow of two hearts in one direction.

My husband often tells people that the most loving thing I ever said to him was, “I don’t need you.” When he shares this, I smile but he gets all sorts of different reactions from people. Some nod their head in understanding and others are bewildered by it. One thing is for sure though – I really don’t need my husband and he doesn’t need me.

But…

We love each other unconditionally.

We give each other the space to feel and work through whatever we need to.

We create a safe place for each other to share our truth.

We don’t take things personally.

We don’t have secrets.

We share what is in our heart of hearts in the most loving of ways.

And when we fail at any of these things as we do from time to time, we forgive ourselves and are secure in the knowledge that each of us will understand and love the other anyway. Here are the five major steps to take towards The Beloved Relationship.

Go within.

The Beloved Relationship actually begins within you. The most important thing we need to do is to be what we want to attract. So if you want a beloved relationship, one of unconditional love, of caring and respect and honor, then you must feel all of these things for yourself. And once you can feel it towards yourself, you will naturally treat others in kind.

Don’t blame.

The Beloved Relationship doesn’t mean you never get upset or angry or hurt. What it does mean is that you can take responsibility for those feelings and work through them without blaming the other person.

Be Vulnerable.

It also means that you trust the other person enough, feel safe enough to express your vulnerability to them, knowing they will listen without judgment, criticism or trying to fix it for you.

Be Compassionate.

It’s a big part of getting through conflict in a Beloved Relationship. Compassion is being able to listen, understand, empathize and allow the other person to feel what they need to feel, say what they need to say and be who they need to be during times of stress, pain, loss, fear, anger and upset. It can exist in silence.

Love Yourself.

With total self-love you enter into the relationship knowing that you are worthy, beautiful, strong, wise and kind and that you don’t need the relationship to show you these things about yourself. The relationship can be the reflection of what you feel inside. (It is always a reflection of your inner world.)

Now doesn’t that take a lot of the pressure off of each individual in the relationship? Things flow, you can have fun and there are no conditions upon which you share your love. You both come to the table loving yourselves unconditionally and that love flows steadily back and forth between you in waves of joy, peace and passion.

It’s not about the things we give each other but the feelings we share. And we can only share what we feel inside us. So if what you’re sharing isn’t what you’d like, maybe it’s time to make a change from the inside and share what you really want on the outside.