November 28, 2013
‘What do you want?’
I asked you a few weeks back what you wanted, knowing full
well what you don’t want. A hard question to answer.
I read an article today that resonated – that brought me
back to this question. The basis of the article was that we are really
good at listing off what we are not but not very good at listing what we
are. We define ourselves more easily with the nots – have nots, are nots,
do nots – rather than live fully in who we are, what we have, what we do.
Embracing our own flawed characters, falling in love with ourselves exactly as
we are – the unique and unyielding, the awesome and amazing, the bratty and
broken. All of it making us beautiful humans.
As these thoughts and questions collided I started to think
again of that question in a slightly different way.
‘What do I want?’
And the answers started streaming.
I desire a deep connection on a human level – the sunshine
and scars, the fantasy and fear. Complete picture. Open and
endless. I desire to fall in love with my best friend. I desire a
man in my life fully, committed to us as a team through it all. A man who
is emotionally available and open to confide in, one that shares my hopes and
dreams and also has his own that he’s working toward too. A man who
challenges me and brings out my best and for whom I do the same. A man
who stands up for me, celebrates successes and is strong by my side when the
world seems to fall apart – who holds my hand as I do his when times are tough.
I desire a man to cherish and be cherished by, to love fully
and kiss unabashedly when the urge pops up. I desire a man to snuggle and
cuddle with, to be passionate and intimate – moments we share solely with each
other. A spot in his arms that is a perfect fit for me – a place I
belong. I desire a man who protects me and walks with me, can shoulder my
tears and cheer me up with a smirk and his sparkling eyes and can be cared for
a comforted by me all the same.
I desire a partner in crime, a steady date and the romance
and laughter of everyday living. A man who has beautiful friends that he
introduces me to and falls into the circle of mine just the same. A man
to share space with – both together and apart, to add to his happiness as he
does to mine. A man who knows me to my core, understands my moods and
needs and tolerates my brattiness when it erupts from within. A man who
can communicate well with me – with whom I reveal my deepest of secrets, find
safety in being vulnerable with and who brings out my enchanting feminine
charms.
I desire a partner to travel with – to explore this wild
world with together. A man who desires to take me places and show me his
roots and tell me the stories of his childhood. A man who finds peace in
the ocean and brightens my world with his creativity, who loves tradition but
also realizes that listening to the universe is the easiest path through life,
connected to our souls purpose. A man constantly learning, who is
spiritual, can find positive, has faith even when chaos abounds. A man
who is silly and playful and intelligent and driven. A man who is healthy
and fit and loves to train with me, finding fun in the exhaustion of it all.
A man who misses me when I’m away, who calls often and that desires
me as much as I desire him.
A man who is all of these things for me because I am the
same for him. Two independent souls choosing to love each other every
single day whatever that day may bring.
I want a marriage and children – a family of my own that
blends into the larger families we already have – his and mine. Raising
to impressionable beings as best we can and trusting that the universe holds us
close along the way.
I want a relationship that is ever lasting. One
forever. Together. Give and give. I am already full of love
and grace, for myself and the world around me – I am ready to share too, loving
selflessly, romantically and trusting the universe to keep the energy in
motion, for it is only in giving that we create the space to receive too.
Circling, an endless dance. Love. Life.
With love,
J.
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